The Ten Sacred Lifestyle Rules of Toa Metru Matau
by Honeyspirit
Summary: Matau had been missing for now, over a month and they, Vakama an the rest of the team, found some clues leading them to an abandoned ware house.


The Top Ten Sacred Lifestyle Rules of Toa Metru Matau Chapter one

Matau had been missing for now, over a month and they, Vakama an the rest of the team, found some clues leading them to an abandoned ware house.

"Hey Vakama I found a book!" Nokama called to Vakama as she picked up a brand new book, and brushed the dust off of it with her hand.

"What's it called?" Vakama asked.

"Uhh...It's a bit...um...Did you know Matau followed rules?"

"I hadn't the slightest idea." Vakama said.

"It's called 'The Top Ten Sacred Lifestyle Rules Of Toa Metru Matau, Written by Toa Metru Matau.'" Nokama said.

"Ok, that's uh, where did Matau get the widgets to get that thing published."

"He probably self published it, it's free that way." Nokama said.

"That or he threatened a Matoran." Onewa walking up to them.

Onewa Snatched the book from Nokama and opened the book, turning a few of the pages and then going back to the first.

"'Rule one.' Oh look he used a period I didn't know he was so evolved." Onewa said.

"'Be a star.' Ok, that's a little...out there." Onewa said.

"Ya think." Nuju said, who had just walked up to here the first sentence, with Whenua.

"'I be a star by, smiling and waving to Matoran, signing autographs and posing for pictures, And getting lots of widgets from orphanages who need it more than me.' Wow Matau is, cruel or pig headed." Onewa said.

"Both." Nuju said.

"'How you can Be A Star: Some how become famous, Give me lots of widgets, Put on a star costume, Kill Teridax, or Become a Toa.(which will never happen)'"

"Wait, Matau thinks if someone gives him lots of widgets they'll be 'A Star'?" Whenua said.

"Na he just doing that to be rich." Vakama said.

"'Rule two.'" Onewa said.

They waited for Onewa to continue.

"What? I'm pausing for 'Dramatic Effect.'" Onewa said.

"'Never EVER Adopt a Matoran.' Whoa that's harsh."

"'Ok this one is a bit of a back story so yeah, One day I was walking down the street and I saw an orphanage well I went In and and saw tons of Matoran, there was this one pair who got over excited, thinking I was going to adopt them, crazy Matoran, so when I told the owner I was just looking around, the two Matoran started saying 'Adopt me, Adopt me' over and over again, I left the orphanage and went home, when I woke up, I heard two voices saying 'Adopt me, adopt me' over and over again, well after many months of this I called the Vahki, and well, they arrested me, guess who my cell mates were, 'adopt me, adopt me' I heard that for two minutes when my team mates came and rescued me, they could have been there sooner, I would've been there sooner, just shows how unloyal they are to me, so apparently they had there memories erased and were given to a fellow called Teridax, made him go crazy, so crazy he tried to kill his brother.' Ok, I'll bet that was Makuta Teridax, so because of an orphanage, Mata Nui almost died." Onewa said.

"That's a new one." Nokama said.

"'So here's how you can avoid adopting a Matoran if you wanna live: Never go into an Orphanage, buy ear mugs, lock up any Matoran who says adopt me over and over again in a tower, give me lots of widgets, protest against orphanages because there evil.' Whoa talk about cruel."

"I've never seen that side of Matau before." Nuju said.

"'Rule Three.' Look he's still evolved!" Onewa said.

"'Give Matau Lots of Mula.' yep he's lost it." Onewa said.

"'Well you see I'm very poor so I was wondering if you could donate some money to me, just fill a whole planet full of widgets and send it to this address: 275 Mulberry lane 98020, I'll send you a picture of me signed in return.' Whoa, hes crazy, he put his Address in a book released to the public, now any one can send him a bomb." Onewa said.

*In Makuta's Lair*

"Whoa, hes crazy, he put his Address in a book released to the public, now any one can send him a bomb, Good thing I'd never do a thing like that, I wonder how Matau knew about the Matoran though." Makuta Teridax said.

*Back in the Abandoned Warehouse*

"'I really can't say how you can be rich beyond belief.' figures" Onewa said rolling his eyes.

"'Rule Four(YAY, I'm on a roll!)' He's so proud of himself." Onewa said shaking his head sadly.

"'Be Handsome, or Pretty/Beautiful all depends on the gender.' Matau must actually think he's handsome." Onewa said.

"He's been like that for a while ya know." Nokama said.

Everyone stared at Nokama.

"I mean, thinking he's handsome." Nokama said rolling her eyes.

"'Well it's not being handsome or Pretty/Beautiful, so here are my secrets, I'm green thus being a Toa of air, so I'm Immediately attractive, I'm a Toa, Turaga are old so they look ug-ly, Matoran are better but are NOT handsome or pretty/beautiful, tis a known fact, and frankly Makuta cannot be described there so ugly, I get my Beauty sleep so I'm drop dead gorgeous when people see me, that's all I'm willing to share on my secrets of being handsome.' He's so full of himself" Onewa said laughing.

"'How you can be drop dead gorgeous: Go to a beauty salon, I have NO Idea how to be drop dead gorgeous.'"

"'Rule Five.'"

"'Ask a girl out on a date.' OH EMM GEE, I've been wanting to ask this Toa out on a date and I don't know how to ask her so this is going to be VERYY useful" Onewa said.

*In Makuta's Lair*

"MATAU YOU ARE A LIFE SAVER!" Makuta said "Now I can finally ask Roodaka out on a date!"

*Back in the Abandoned Warehouse*

"'So the other day (Yesh this is another back story) I walked up to this Toa that I've known since college, so I said 'Hey, Lariska, you wanna go on a date with me that'll last till midnight?' so she said yes and we went on a date until midnight.' OMG! Now I can go ask Tuyet out!" Onewa screamed.

"Onewa are you sure your alright?" Nokama asked.

"YESH!" Onewa said "NOW I CAN ASK THE GIRRL OF MY DREAMS OUT ON A DATE!"

"Onewa Next chapter before I get the chain saw." Nuju said calmly.

"'Rule Six.'"

"'Eat lots and lots of ice cream.' Ok..."

"'So this is just part of my evil scheme so every one will be fat and I'll be the only good looking guy around.' not so evil." Onewa said.

"'How to eat lots of ice cream: go to the store and buy lots of fattening ice cream and eat it all at once even if it gives ya a brain freeze, do this for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, also lay in bed while eating it.'"

*In Makuta's Lair*

"Where does it tell you his address again, I shall send him a bomb." Makuta Teridax said.

"Um, sir..." One of the Rakshi said in there language "We think your going a little crazy talking to yourself all day..."

"Didn't you read the second rule?: I AM crazy Those Matoran did it to me remember."

"We weren't here when you went crazy."

"Big deal."

*Back in the Abandoned Warehouse*

"'Rule Seven(Almost finished!)'"

"'Echo Friendly Stuff' I didn't think he could write seven rules, let alone echo friendly rules."

"'Echo friendly stuff is boring but, I what I do is better! I throw trash on every environment so it's nicer not to mention healthier!' No wonder my plants died with all that trash in them..."

"'How to avoid Echo friendly stuff: throw trash every where, never clean up, don't recycle stuff, tare done trees and stuff, Give me lots of widgets.'" Onewa said.

"Matau is cruel and has no respect for the environment." Nuju said starting to cry.

"'Rule Eight'"

"'Never clean up your house.' Well, Matau..."

"'I never EVER clean my house, it's annoying, tedious, not to mention the fact I'm to lazy to do it, so that's why I hired a maid she does all my work and I bribe her to do my home work' A maid...?"

"How to NEVER clean your mouse, I mean house: Hire a maid, never clean your house(recommended), move into a new house each time your old one gets dirty."

"Matau needs to go to a doctor to see how many rocks he has in his head." Nokama said.

*In Makuta's Lair*

"Matau needs a doctor, tis a good thing I took doctor classes!" Teridax said.

"Sir," One of the Rakshi said, "Would you like has to get the transporter ready?"

"Yes."

*Back in the Abandoned Warehouse*

"I have a feeling we'll be interrupted by Teridax soon." Whenua said.

"The chance of the is like a hundred to one." Onewa said.

"Shoot yourself." Whenua said.

"'Rule Nine(One more after this!)'"

"'Avoid Nokama when she is near a spoon.'"

"WHAT! come on that is stupid 'Avoid Nokama when she is near a spoon'! Crazy talk."

"'While I was being abducted by aliens (don't ask), Nokama had a spoon, she was crazy enough to call it 'DA SPOON OF DOOM' any who, she hit people on the head with it, so then it disappeared, then she got a new one, that was platinum and had her name engraved on it, so she hit people with it and the ended up in the hospital for ten years.' Why, Nokama why did you put us in hospitals for ten years?" Onewa said.

"Oh shut it Onewa!" Nokama said.

"'How you can avoid Nokama while she has this spoon: Kill Nokama, Kill DA SPOON OF DOOM, Jump off a tall cliff, Give me lots of widgets. Or all four of those.' whoa Matau is widget obsessed." Onewa said.

"I'm here!" Teridax said while breaking through the wall of the abandoned warehouse.

"Told you so." Whenua said to Onewa.

Onewa narrowed his eyes "Your working for Teridax I know it." Onewa muttered.

"So where is Matau I am gonna cure him of his insanity." Teridax said.

"Why didn't you cure your self then eh?" Nuju said.

"He's missing." Nokama said.

"I knew that would happen." Teridax said.

"We were about to read the last rule in my book if you would like to hear it." Matau said grinning "Oh and just so you know I've been here the whole time."

"Great." Whenua said rolling his eyes.

"'Rule Ten.' OMG he's still evolved." Onewa said sarcastically.

"'Be like Matau.' Oh dear Mata Nui."

"'I can't explain being me except that I'm awesome, handsome, smart, cunning, witty, and much more that I can't list.' Matau, Go see a doctor after this."

"'How to be like Matau: You can't be like me cause then there be tons of handsome Toa out there, but you can send me lots of widgets.' Matau, Please go find a good doctor, to count all the tiny pebbles in your head."

"Why thank you Onewa!" Matau said grinning "After I gave you dating tips."

"Twas in a book, anyone could read it." Onewa said.

"Eh, What eva."

"Hey, Teri what are you doing here?"

"I was gonna cure your insanity."

"Right..."

"It's late I'm heading home good-bye!" Nokama said walking out the door.

"Yeah I'd better go too." Vakama said following Nokama out the door.

"Same." Nuju said chorusing Whenua and Onewa, as they walked out the door.

"I just remember ed I had a bomb sent here." Makuta Teridax said.

"Ok odios then!" Matau said running out the door followed by Teridax.

"Oh look it's a mushroom!" Matau said pointing to above where the ware house used to be.

Sorry for the bad ending!


End file.
